Number Five

“Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” Exodus 20:12

This command is the first that addresses our relationship with other human beings. Fittingly it addresses our relationship with the first human beings we’ll ever know – our parents. Many people have – what is termed – “complicated relationships” with their parents. However, let’s explore what the parent-child relationship ought to be. God gave us parents, who, through their wisdom of prior experience and years of greater knowledge should, in kindness, teach us truth and duty and to remove foolishness and indolence from us. (Deuteronomy 6:6,7; 11:18,19; Proverbs 22:6, 15; Ephesians 6:4). As children we are to obey them, because our care has been entrusted to them by God (Ephesians 6:1; Colossians 3:20).

Simply put, parents are to provide for their children and children are to respect their parents. (2 Corinthians 12:4; Proverbs 30:17) However, in our sinful world interpersonal relationships are never simple, especially the parent-child relationship. This initial human interaction defines to a great extent our understanding of God and dictates how we interact with other people. Parents are sinful human beings and therefore, if they are not in constant communication with our Heavenly Father, inconsistencies will arise in their actions. Enoch’s walk with God began after Methuselah was born. The love he had for his child made clear the love God has for us and this inspired the close connection he maintained with God until God took him. (Genesis 5:21-24)

Our Saviour came to this world as a baby and grew up like all of us do. At a very early age He knew who He was and what His purpose was on Earth. However, He did not attempt to hasten the process He lived obediently with His Earthly parents until He was fully grown (Luke 2:46-52). Which then brings us to our relationship with our parents in adulthood. The dynamic shifts slightly and yet not that much. We are still subject to our parents just not in the same way. At this point some of us are parents ourselves. So how do we honour our parents in adulthood?

This brings us back to the, so-called, “complicated” parent-child relationship. Some parents did such a thorough job of influencing their children that in adulthood the child can’t make a decision without the parent’s approval. Others are so lax and free that the child can’t depend on them for advice. When properly raised, an adult child should be able to stand on their own two feet, making wise choices and knowing when to ask for and how to receive advice (Proverbs 22:6; 1 Kings 2:1-4; 3:7-9). They will also be firm in their convictions and committed to their purpose not allowing themselves to be distracted or controlled by the desire to please their parents (Matthew 12:47-50; Mark 3:32-35; John 2:1-5).

While parents are no longer to have full control of their adult children, these children do still have a responsibility to care for their aging parents. An unholy practice carried out by the ancient Jews, known as Corban, allowed individuals to shirk this responsibility of caring for their parents because their money was promised to the temple (Mark 7:9-13). As Mary’s eldest child, Jesus was primarily responsible for her care. While hanging on the cross He did not shirk this responsibility. He made provision for her by charging her care to John, the beloved disciple (John 19:26, 27). In our childhood our parents change their entire way of living to care and provide for us, it is only right that when they become dependent that we care for them.

Because we live in a sinful world some individuals don’t have the blessing of living parents, or committed parents, or even caring parents. How do we cope with those existences? Sometimes we are provided guardians who act as parents. They require the same honour as if they gave us life. But, what of those with the unkind, ungodly parents? Scripture tells us to obey our parents in the Lord: because it right (Ephesians 6:1). Therefore, when you are a child do as your parents command as far as it is pleasing to God and trust in Him to work our your circumstances for good (Romans 8:28). In Ephesians 6:2 we learn that honouring our parents is the first commandment with a promise attached to it. The promise is long life in the Land God has prepared for us in this life and in the life to come.

Despite the varied flawed experiences we have with our Earthly parents we have the assurance that we have a dependable, Heavenly Father who cares for and provides for us. Who, if we would yield to Him, will provide us with the knowledge, wisdom and discipline we need to have long life with Him in this life and in His kingdom (Matthew 6:1-13; Hebrews 12:5-11).

In Love