“Honour thy father and thy mother: that thy days may be long
upon the land which the Lord thy God giveth thee.” Exodus 20:12
This command is the first that addresses our relationship
with other human beings. Fittingly it addresses our relationship with the first
human beings we’ll ever know – our parents. Many people have – what is termed –
“complicated relationships” with their parents. However, let’s explore what the
parent-child relationship ought to be. God gave us parents, who, through their
wisdom of prior experience and years of greater knowledge should, in kindness,
teach us truth and duty and to remove foolishness and indolence from us.
(Deuteronomy 6:6,7; 11:18,19; Proverbs 22:6, 15; Ephesians 6:4). As children we
are to obey them, because our care has been entrusted to them by God (Ephesians
6:1; Colossians 3:20).
Simply put, parents are to provide for their children and
children are to respect their parents. (2 Corinthians 12:4; Proverbs 30:17)
However, in our sinful world interpersonal relationships are never simple,
especially the parent-child relationship. This initial human interaction
defines to a great extent our understanding of God and dictates how we interact
with other people. Parents are sinful human beings and therefore, if they are
not in constant communication with our Heavenly Father, inconsistencies will
arise in their actions. Enoch’s walk with God began after Methuselah was born.
The love he had for his child made clear the love God has for us and this
inspired the close connection he maintained with God until God took him.
(Genesis 5:21-24)
Our Saviour came to this world as a baby and grew up like
all of us do. At a very early age He knew who He was and what His purpose was
on Earth. However, He did not attempt to hasten the process He lived obediently
with His Earthly parents until He was fully grown (Luke 2:46-52). Which then
brings us to our relationship with our parents in adulthood. The dynamic shifts
slightly and yet not that much. We are still subject to our parents just not in
the same way. At this point some of us are parents ourselves. So how do we
honour our parents in adulthood?
This brings us back to the, so-called, “complicated”
parent-child relationship. Some parents did such a thorough job of influencing
their children that in adulthood the child can’t make a decision without the
parent’s approval. Others are so lax and free that the child can’t depend on
them for advice. When properly raised, an adult child should be able to stand
on their own two feet, making wise choices and knowing when to ask for and how
to receive advice (Proverbs 22:6; 1 Kings 2:1-4; 3:7-9). They will also be firm
in their convictions and committed to their purpose not allowing themselves to
be distracted or controlled by the desire to please their parents (Matthew
12:47-50; Mark 3:32-35; John 2:1-5).
While parents are no longer to have full control of their
adult children, these children do still have a responsibility to care for their
aging parents. An unholy practice carried out by the ancient Jews, known as
Corban, allowed individuals to shirk this responsibility of caring for their
parents because their money was promised to the temple (Mark 7:9-13). As Mary’s
eldest child, Jesus was primarily responsible for her care. While hanging on
the cross He did not shirk this responsibility. He made provision for her by
charging her care to John, the beloved disciple (John 19:26, 27). In our
childhood our parents change their entire way of living to care and provide for
us, it is only right that when they become dependent that we care for them.
Because we live in a sinful world some individuals don’t
have the blessing of living parents, or committed parents, or even caring
parents. How do we cope with those existences? Sometimes we are provided
guardians who act as parents. They require the same honour as if they gave us
life. But, what of those with the unkind, ungodly parents? Scripture tells us
to obey our parents in the Lord: because it right (Ephesians 6:1). Therefore,
when you are a child do as your parents command as far as it is pleasing to God
and trust in Him to work our your circumstances for good (Romans 8:28). In Ephesians
6:2 we learn that honouring our parents is the first commandment with a promise
attached to it. The promise is long life in the Land God has prepared for us in
this life and in the life to come.
Despite the varied flawed experiences we have with our
Earthly parents we have the assurance that we have a dependable, Heavenly Father
who cares for and provides for us. Who, if we would yield to Him, will provide
us with the knowledge, wisdom and discipline we need to have long life with Him
in this life and in His kingdom (Matthew 6:1-13; Hebrews 12:5-11).
In Love
